The V Girl: A coming of age story Read online

  The V Girl

  By Mya Robarts

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to the store and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. The only exception is by a book blogger, who may quote short excerpts in a review/promotional post.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used factiously, and any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2014 by Mya Robarts

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

  First Edition June 2015

  Second Edition June 2016

  Developmental Editing: Aly Guillen

  Copy editing: Books are my fandom and Tonya Blust.

  Proofreading: Tonya Blust and Danielle Werner.

  Discussion questions for book clubs: Aly Guillen

  Interview questions: Lynda Dickson

  Praise for The V Girl

  “The V Girl is about changing your own destiny, fighting for your rights, falling in love in such desperate times and what it means to be human. It’s dark, unique and addictive. I demand more, Mya!”

  ~ Inthelandofgodsandmonsters.tumblr.com

  “The V Girl by Mya Robarts is a riveting debut that explores a unique and at times difficult concept in an entertaining and fast paced read that will tug at your emotions and leave you wanting the next chapter as soon as possible.”

  ~ Rachel @ The Rest Is Still Unwritten

  “The relationships between Lila and her friends, family and Aleksey are well sketched, and often extremely moving. Her sexual awakening is also very lovingly done, with the choice of when, where and who with, so explicitly hers – despite the rape culture she lives within – that it made me want to cheer.”

  ~ wonderlandjen

  “I found all of the characters to be quite well developed, and Lila was both complex and entertaining. The story is compelling, even though there are scenes that had me cringing, and quite a few surprises along the way.”

  ~ Kitty Smith

  “Mya Robarts has written a dark and riveting story. It is a true page turner as the characters and story are so well-written you will find yourself lost in this world she has created. The story-line is very different from the normal dystopian future novels.”

  ~ Sarah Elle

  “I could not put this book down. I read it without taking a break, staying up too late to finish it. It was an engrossing, original and at times, heart breaking story.”

  ~ Justirishgirl

  “I firmly believe that the Discussion Questions at the end of the book should be asked in every high school in the US. They have the potential to open the door for some amazing personal inventory. I applauded the truth bombs dropped throughout the book about a female’s value being more than the condition of her hymen.”

  ~ seejennyread.com

  “This book will make you laugh, make you cry and leave you feeling raw and emotional. I honestly couldn’t have loved this book more.”

  ~ lunalandbooks

  “I was craving for Lila/Aleksey moments! It was so well built, it felt natural! I wish I could read more about them.”

  ~ flowlessbooks

  “One more time- do not mistake a vague small blurb that you think you understand have you thinking that this book is not something completely magnificent. I did not think one should care so much about being a virgin, and thought I knew what was going to happen- no I was wrong. And I am both completely heartbroken and brilliantly captivated by the beauty of this book.”

  ~ happytailsandtales.blogspot.com

  “I think Robarts did a phenomenal job with The V Girl, as I have never been so desperate to keep reading something that made me feel so many variations of discomfort, rage and, most uncomfortable to admit, desire.”

  ~ danireviewsthings.com

  “It was an intense, fast-paced, unique ride. One I’m not going to forget so soon.”

  ~FOABBookBlog

  For all the RAINNMakers

  www.rainn.org

  Preface

  The broody warrior

  Unexpected

  The Velez Family

  Seduction

  The Accord Prince

  The Clinic

  A V Girl

  The Comanche Resistance

  Drawn

  Proposal

  Cops’ fun

  Silence

  A V boy

  His full consent

  Curiosity

  Laying down arms

  Hope

  Secrets and promises

  The human touch

  With her and for her

  Epiphany

  Lila’s country

  Lila’s “Sin”

  Copulation without Conversation

  Threat

  Revenge

  Near death experiences

  Claimed and taken

  Consent

  Human touch vs. sexual touch

  Downright severe

  Preoccupations

  Gyges

  New experiences

  Exclusivity

  Sex training

  Aleksey’s secret

  A father’s feelings

  The wounded lion

  Hiding

  Last chance

  The sweetest word

  Love

  The 36th Battalion

  Combat

  The person she shares her tears with

  Family and farewells

  Missing him

  Losing a part of herself

  Broken Illusions

  Spoils of war

  G class recruits

  Familiar voice

  Sacrifice

  His one and only

  Sweet surrender

  Her one and only

  Hope and Love

  Epilogue

  Discussion questions

  Acknowledgements

  About the author

  Playlist

  Interview with the Author

  “Copulation without conversation does not constitute fraternization.”

  Saying among Allied troops during WW2

  Preface

  In the barely lit room, there are only some gym mattresses and a couple of mirrors. I’ve set the mirrors so that I can watch myself losing the V of my nickname.

  My “one-hour stand” climbs onto the mattresses and touches my naked, trembling body. His breathing becomes ragged; his eyes are dark.

  I never imagined my first time would be like this. In my imagination, when I had my first time, I would be in love. I always thought that I would allow myself to be with someone in that way only if I really, really loved that person. He would also be unconditionally in love with me. He would be someone who would look at me as though I was his sun.

  I wanted to lose my virginity to someone who adores me. Preferably someone who would have said the five magic words: “Lila, will you marry me?” I wanted to have sex for the first time with someone I’d consider worthy enough to spend the rest of my life with. If only I had more time. Eighteen is too young i
n my book to have met the person to whom I’d want to commit my life.

  I wish this occasion could have been a romantic, spur-of-the-moment situation. One thing leading to another in a natural manner and then … I wouldn’t be a V-girl anymore.

  That would have been ideal. But I don’t live in an ideal world; I live in a world defined by a civil war. My deflowering can’t be romantic or spontaneous. I’ve been preparing my first sexual encounter since I heard that the troops were on their way to Starville.

  I don’t love my sexual partner. He doesn’t love me, either. But it has to be him, or it’s going to be a random guy from the troops … through force.

  My “lover” hesitates for a moment. I feel his weight pressing me to the mattress. His body tenses. I wait for him to make the next move, but I’m afraid he has changed his mind.

  21st Year of the 2nd Civil War

  Involved parties: Patriot Army, Nationalist Army

  Number of Nationalist States of America casualties: 12,954,988

  Number of Patriot States of America casualties: 3,859,895

  1

  The broody warrior

  As I ride the train past the abandoned and razed cities, I think about the troops and their history of sexual abuse. A history that includes victims like my mother.

  Since I’m untouched, I may end up like her.

  My first time can’t involve sexual assault. I won’t have a gigantic, smelly soldier enjoying every scream of pain and every tear as he shouts obscenities at me during the troops’ so-called recruitment ceremony.

  Violence.

  Torture.

  Humiliation.

  I can’t bear the thought. I need to lose my innocence or it will be taken from me by force. I’ll give myself to Rey, pretending we are in love. It has to be today. Rey and I will spend time alone in our gang’s secret training place. After tomorrow, we may no longer have a place to make love. Not even a mattress.

  Sitting on the boxcar’s floor around me are several exhausted-looking Starvillers. As the troops annihilate more small cities, the boxcars get emptier and the survivors become gossipers.

  “The Commissioner said the 31st Battalion will arrive in two weeks,” whispers a man.

  I bury my head between my knees. It’s the 36th Battalion, but I don’t correct him. I’ve been having nightmares about that number since the announcement.

  “I hope he’s lying again. Patriots lost to the Nationalists near Montana, but the Commissioner made it look like they won,” says a woman.

  I close my eyes as though doing so will close my ears. I can’t escape their buzzing.

  “Rotten luck. My son turns eighteen the day of the recruitment ceremony. And my nephew and niece will become eligible for recruitment next week.”

  “Or they could get married.”

  “Too late. The Commissioner’s not issuing marriage licenses anymore.”

  The troops are coming to exert their “constitutional right” to conduct recruitment. During the recruitment ceremony, they’ll call non-married enlistees to join the army voluntarily. An enlistee will be at the service of the troops as a low-ranking soldier, a visitant, or a vassal. If the troops don’t get enough enlistees, they are entitled to take them … in any way they see fit.

  Unfortunately, this year there are only twenty people appointed as enlistees. Even during those years when we have hundreds of them, the ceremony ends with forced recruitment.

  An old man murmurs derisively, “What’s the big deal with rape, anyway? I’d take it over hard labor any day.”

  Easy for him to say. “Yeah, because you’d love it if they shoved a pistol up your anus with no lubricant,” I mutter through gritted teeth. Childless old men like this idiot cannot sympathize. “After beating the hell out of you,” I add.

  He doesn’t hear me. I’d add more, but around Starvillers, the less you say, the better.

  The whispering continues. “In Midian, they forced someone to abuse his brother.”

  “It won’t happen here. The Accord Units arrive tomorrow, and Sergeant Gary Sleecket’s coming with them.”

  “They won’t stand against the troops. If the troops want to break the rules, they will.”

  “Maybe this time they’ll stand up for the kids.”

  “Not with so few enlistees. If they’re desperate, they’ll assault you, too … and you’re ugly. No offense.”

  “Then the crippled witch-doctor will be busy.”

  My head snaps up.

  “Shh! There’s his daughter.”

  Trembling, I stand up to lash out at these idiots. Before I can, a different voice distracts me.

  “Hey! Layla!”

  “It’s Lee-lah. L-I-L-A, Lee-lah,” I say in a warning tone. People always mispronounce my name, but Starville beauty queen Elena Rivers wants to taunt me.

  Her brown almond-shaped eyes glint as she swings her shiny, dark hair. “It’s not easy being a virgin, is it, Layla?”

  “In a country where rape is legal? No, it isn’t,” I retort.

  “Shh! It’s not … that,” says Cara Winston, her blue eyes scanning the boxcar anxiously. “It’s the army recruiting enlistees,” she adds, running her hand through her short blonde hair. She of all people knows better than to speak her mind about recruitment. The half-concealed terror on her face shuts me up.

  Elena’s entourage laughs at me as she spits out sneering remarks. She is particularly nasty today, as her male cousins and two ragged-looking servants are with her. They’ll come to her aid if I slap her, but if Elena insults my dad or my siblings, I’ll take my chances.

  I drown out her sneers until Elena says the word “troops.”

  “I bet they’ll recruit you. You know why?” She doesn’t wait for my reply, not that I plan on giving her one. “Because they usually take fat, fugly virgins.”

  “No need to be rude,” says Cara. The V-word must sound noxious to a gang assault survivor like her.

  Elena doesn’t shut up, but I steer my thoughts back to Rey. The only person in Starville I consider a true friend. He’s too attractive for his own good, but I got over my crush on him long ago. I wish I didn’t have to choose between him or a forced deflowering.

  The Starvillers around me whine about poverty, but it’s their own fault. They renounced their American citizenship and embraced the Nat side—the side losing the war. Where were the charismatic Nationalist leaders who convinced the locals to support their cause when the Patriots occupied Starville? The Nat leaders still wear expensive-looking armor while Starville lacks the most basic services.

  Despite the ruined state of the town, I have only two major complaints about Starville.

  Pet peeve number one: Starvillers. Most are chauvinists and bullies.

  Pet peeve number two: the smell. It stings my nose as the train reaches Starville’s hills. The town reeks of stagnant sewage, fetid dirt, and musty mold.

  If I could ignore those issues, I’d be happy here. Mother Nature has been generous with Starville’s surroundings. The city was built in the area of the Lion Sierra that wasn’t swallowed by the Californian sea after the last tsunami. Everything beyond the city limits is breathtaking: the vibrant green of the glades, the fields of orange flowers, and the thick, redwood forests. If you aren’t afraid of finding genetically modified beasts, you can venture out to the lake by hiking up the river.

  Starville, like other occupied cities, has banned technology—the Patriots’ key weapon in the war. The prohibition of even the most outdated technologies has created a lack of electronic communications and decent plumbing. Starville doesn’t even have a train station. The train slows down when it approaches the outskirts of Starville. This is the sign for the passengers to jump off.

  “Women with crinoline and children first,” jokes someone as Elena’s servants assist her. Her ruffled dress billows as she jumps, but she lands with effortless grace. The other women jump, too, even in their ratty dresses. I’m the only one wearing pants. Still, I almost fall be
cause I can’t stop thinking about my emergency deflowering.

  Elena and her cousins have horses waiting for them, ready to take them home. She may be a woman with crinoline, but all-terrain vehicles are reserved for the soldiers.

  I walk up a steep path before I reach the crown of a hill. From here I see the entire city: a cluster of cramped, concrete houses—enveloped by vegetation—that seem to be mounted one above the other on the sides of steep hills. Patriots forced Starvillers to forfeit their minuscule dwellings. Most families cram inside ten decaying apartment complexes covered in moss that tower over the abandoned houses.

  The weather goes from chilly to hot in an instant. The Starvillers peel off their cloaks, slipping them into their bags. I take a detour into the wild that surrounds the east side of town. Soon, I can’t see the others anymore.

  Beads of sweat trickle down my face, and my curly, light brown hair tangles as I descend the steep slope. I need to make myself look beautiful for my sexual debut, and a bath would be a good start. From noon to midnight there is no running water in my apartment, so we fill buckets from a nearby well. I’ll take a better bath in the river.

  The old soldiers who guard Starville won’t come, but even so, it’s dangerous to be alone this far from town. Bandits and beasts are a concern, but because of my tendencies, I’m more worried about being spied on while bathing. That’s why I carry leather knife holders around my thighs. Besides, I hope to run into my personal bodyguard: my abnormally large dog, Poncho. He enjoys bathing on warm days. His acute senses will protect me.

  My perfect bathing spot is partially hidden by old tree trunks. There’s a colossal stone that acts as a wall, and a current so fierce that others prefer not to bathe there. I know which parts of the river are the most difficult to access and which spots are preferred by Divine Sawyers and Joey Waters, who love to have sex where there might be observers. Today, I’m not interested in watching them.

  I don’t see Poncho, but I decide not to wait for him. Ignoring the mosquitoes, I take off my clothes and put on my thigh sheath. Grabbing the soap, I walk into the current. The warm water sloshing against the rocks makes me sigh in contentment.